To celebrate the Academy awards, I got some help from our trusty friend, Botnik, to write stereotypical Oscar-bait movies, and stereotypical critic’s reviews of Oscar-bait movies.
Botnik is a free online program that takes a text source (usually a book) and then auto-suggests words and phrases that fit the style. You may know it from the ‘AI writes Harry Potter’ story. I decided to feed Botnik two separate lists. One contained all the synopses for every best-picture-nominated movie in the last 70 years. The other contained all of their Rotten Tomatoes summary reviews (at least, the ones I could find). Obviously the possibilities are nearly endless; nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the collection of random stories and reviews that Botnik and I have put together.
The film is about a young Austrian woman studying to become a prince again. In the opening narration, the film tells the alternate history of a fictional 18th century Irish rogue, who is seeking refuge with her.
A poor black officer is sent to investigate his father, Vito Corleone, and his success in physics. Set during World War II, the plot devices allude to Shakespeare and his attempts to maintain his estranged sheep.
A struggling actress and courtesan, who tries to save jazz, is intrigued by Diane Keaton and her precocious young radio.
A modern adaptation of the life of Moses, it is the story of two escaped prisoners who fight against white corruption in chicago.
The film tells the story of a surly oil rig worker named Bobby, whose rootless blue-collar existence belies his privileged youth as a piano prodigy.
An American pacifist with cerebral palsy is forced from his innocence after he witnesses a series of vignettes involving a young Belgian woman.
The first openly gay child is entrusted with hostility and backlash, while her mother Linda is crowned king.
A local industrial magnate attacks beachgoers and becomes obsessed with Berlin, where scandal is a hit, and Churchill is a companion.
A courtroom drama set in the 1920s, while a suicidal collector and his classmates are colonizing Pandora.
A small African objector is stellar. After leaving thousands of balloons at his teenage daughter’s aristocratic wedding, he finds five billboards in Paris.
When Clyde tries to assassinate Nazi Germany, his reputation and career are changed forever.
While experiencing parole for the first time, a lawyer accepts unprecedented suitors at his new chapel.
A Jewish pianist from Tehran, who decrypted German intelligence, must save the lives of several passengers aboard an ocean liner.
After encountering Greece, John is able to cope with his schizophrenia and materialistic tensions, which both threaten to become increasingly exaggerated.
During World War Veteran, a steely baseball fan from south Vietnam decides to write an article about trapeze corruption and Hollywood intrigue
An ambitious boy named Carl Bernstein announces that his estranged father is dying to keep an Australian striptease.
Although his teenage daughter’s factory is disintegrating, Jamal recounts his life story, spanning from his wealthy childhood memories, to his imprisonment and political activism.
A Catholic story traces the events surrounding the world heavyweight championship, and its portrayal of England, where love can be broken.
Frodo and eight black maids are stranded together on Mars, while resisting widespread violence and family Thanksgiving dinner.
A 1987 epic narrative follows a perplexed television film, which connects themes of nostalgia, gender, nationality and celebrity.
ROTTEN TOMATOES REVIEWS:
The film is a decidedly mature road trip, and an irresistible excess of heart.
Polished direction and arresting togetherness make the film a gripping character exploration.
Anchored by another winning performance from its distinguished lead actress, this sprawling portrait of alienation is both sociopolitical and thought-provoking.
Alluring and stylish, as well as bruised, the adaptation of the bestselling book gives imbued sentimentality to its stars.
The heartstrings are overpowered by populist direction and a tremendous sci-fi adventure.
Even when the movie is undeniably disturbing, it succeeds on nearly every level, thanks to bravura performances and evocative musical twists.
Blending elements of comedy filmgoers and gladiatorial disconnect, this taut thriller teeters on the edge, and yet still offers timeless entertainment
Though shot to a fault, all around it is harshly uncompromising, proudly conscious, and daringly melodramatic.
Daniel Day-Lewis characteristically delivers in this witty drama that unfolds masterfully.
Sweeping action and subtle pathos make a terrific horror flick that immerses the audience in its world of British scope.
Just enough edge for young audiences, but never without capturing the director’s vision.
Bracingly intense, passionate, and wildly melodramatic, the film glides on bold direction, and a bravura performance from its star.
Bolstered by exceptional production values and funny legal relief, it celebrates romance while resisting the temptation to lionize love.
Haunting mystery and mindless gunplay compensate for the predictable material and soupy morality.
Erotic passion at its most audacious.
Viewers of all ages can add up to a great trilogy, but such concerns are no doubt a high point of American cinema.
Excellent performances from its leads, as shocking as any teen-acted ensemble, add up to a Hollywood biopic.
Part homage, part love triangle, this languidly paced WWII film delivers hard action and committed pacing.
Saccharine performances and aplomb are memorable in this otherwise rote story.
Racism is weighty and powerful work in this masterful genre piece about grand spectacle and prolific urban truths.
That’s all for now. Here’s to another cliche of a ceremony! #OscarsSoPredictable.
Also, it may surprise you to know that two of those aren’t from Botnik. One is the synopsis (from Wikipedia) for the movie Five Easy Pieces. The other is the aggregate Rotten Tomatoes review for Black Swan. See if you can figure out which. Or just look them up if you’re impatient, I don’t really care. 🙂