Captain “Meh”-rvel

So I saw this new movie called Captain Marvel. It’s one of the latest films in the Marvel anthology (hey go figure). The movie opens with, um…..hmm….let me think… Don’t really remember the scene…

You know what, forget about it, doesn’t matter. So there’s this girl named Carol Something-or-Other, she’s a super strong fighter who won’t take no for an answer. And I guess that’s why she became a fighter pilot in the Air Force, and…well….I guess she’s also a member of an Alien race called The Cree. She works for this warlord called Ronin who I remember from Guardians of the Galaxy, but I’m not sure if she new she was working for him. Hmm, sorry this is pretty difficult.

No matter. Ok, so, she was a human, and then an alien (I think?), and then fell to Earth in the 90’s and became a human again, where she meets Nicholas Fury (Not “Nick”, Sam Jackson makes sure the audience knows he’s not called Nick at this point. Hehe, see? I remembered something). Sorry so, she’s back on Earth, and looking for….um, I think I hear something in the bathroom, one sec…

Oh crap, left the water running. One minute.

My bad. Back to writing. Wait, where was I?

Eh well, there’s really no point in me continuing. This movie was so poorly written and paced that I hardly remember any of it. The script was lacking, made zero attempt to put Sam Jackson to any good use, was void of any decent comedy, and forced a hero onto the audience. I don’t like calling characters “Mary Sues” , but there was zero substance to Brie Larson’s severely underwritten role. She had almost no character development. Every change in the movie revolved around circumstances by someone else’s actions. Carol has no defining moments that fall outside the realm of cornball cliche.

But the movie did have some good ole fashioned Marvel glitzy CGI, so that was kinda nice.

Hold up, waters still running, there’s probably something up with the faucet knob. I’ll be right back. Maybe…..