The only thing I love critiquing more than movies is movie critics, especially when their reviews sound exactly the same. On that note… the country’s movie of the week is It: Chapter Two, which I have zero interest in seeing. But I feel like I’ve seen the movie vicariously through all the reviews. So, with the help of my friend Botnik (an online text-generator), I’ve created my own review based on all 265 summary reviews from Rotten Tomatoes. Enjoy!
The first film showed the raw power of those childhood ties. Moreover, it was a strong installment which inspires pop culture and teaches no other lesson. But the second film stumbles to the future, and there are tones of horror that never fully reckon with the 2017 remake.
Overstuffed, overemphasizing, and overstaying, “It: Chapter Two ” languishes over two hours and 49 minutes. Muschietti ‘s faithful adaptation of a Stephen King classic is a film that feels inevitable, and yet repetitive. It stays obscenely uneven, dredging, even meandering. And the frustrating runtime is just incohesive. Sometimes it feels cathartic watching an ambitious slice of cosmic horror. However, monotony is clunky, and just isn’t good.
The cast… Pennywise proves that he sticks the landing, especially in the end result. Meanwhile, Bill Hader pales in comparison to Stephen King. And while it horrifies us that the filmmakers failed, we still adored watching the Loser ‘s Club with literally every moment of dodgy special effects.
If it feels like the third act is mostly nonsensical, this is disappointing. Considering its corny weirdness and brimming flashbacks, the tedium is killer. Andy Muschietti struck gold, but still falls into decades of obscenely unfortunate peril. Not being able to write clowns is lackluster. It could have been truly scary, but it feels like its skin was dated.
Thanks to horror, you’ll appreciate the movie ‘s priorities. However, soooo fatigue. When you’ve seen one trauma, you’ve seen the film. And Bill Hader can’t justify a sequel. Schlock is MVP, piles of blood are plenty, and comedy is just barely engaging. ‘ It: Chapter Two ‘ undercuts its excesses – the filmmakers have no remedy.
