AI Writes A Pandemic Movie

Polar bears are awesome

As much as I’d love to review Big Time Adolescence and The Hunt (both of which are excellent), none of the theaters are open. Although I think the former is on Hulu… In any case… I’d rather look at pictures of polar bears than write about coronavirus, but then I realized that Botnik, our trusty A.I. co-author, could help. So he and I put together the synopsis of a stereotypical ‘epidemic/pandemic’ movie. Enjoy!

The movie opens with a Soviet submarine in the wilderness. A former medical student halfheartedly mutates into a feral bioweapon, with terminally ill information and lethal fears. He attacks a young refugee who is accidentally working nearby. The refugee quickly walks away, but the student rushes into Africa. Anxiety.

Meanwhile, in South America, a train bound for Los Angeles becomes infected. Hundreds of tourists impale themselves on the virus, and most of them are shot because of the sunlight. They unsuccessfully attempt to die, and a deadly bacteria neurotoxin repairs their brains. Within 36 hours, zombies begin.

Back to New York, where Theo Faron is researching the disease. He discovers that survivors are dead, and the government is resorting to heroin. Suddenly, his wife lies down and succumbs to gruesome vampires. Theo watches from the woods and kills the vampires, but it’s too late. His wife is immune. Distraught, he executes her and flees to Paris.

In Japan, Dr. Ellis Cheever dispatches a military team to maintain order. The soldiers barricade themselves in the wilderness, which is quickly surrounded by armed pathogens. Dr. Cheever secretly flies a helicopter overhead. He rescues an injured darkseeker from the darkseekers, and the two of them travel to Nebraska.

In Paris, Theo’s estranged brother Zachary decides to quarantine France. Unfortunately, that proves to be effective. Theo shoots Zachary and escapes to Hong Kong. The frenzy of survivors drives Theo mad, and he begins vomiting. But instead of spreading quickly, influenza stays in 2009. Everyone is safe. For now…

Across Nebraska, Dr. Cheever heals the darkseeker. He finds a vaccine made from synthetic blood. The only problem is: it works. Dr. Cheever can’t handle the strain, so he falls off a balcony. The darkseeker brings the cure to London, and Earth reverts to its normal state. However… part two?