Since it’s Valentine’s day, I decided to have Botnik help me write a stereotypical rom-com (if you’re not familiar with Botnik, check it out at https://botnik.org/). Enjoy!
New York, 2020. The tempo of the city had changed sharply. The buildings were emptier, the music was softer, the hygiene was better and the weed was cheaper. The boredom approached claustrophobia…
The duke, Ryan Gosling, walks in on his wife’s happiness and leaves without further contact lenses. As she feigns illness, he discovers that she is dying, but their bliss is short. He tells her that he cannot sleep, and decides to find a distraught heiress to marry instead.
Meanwhile, heiress Julia Roberts is engaged to be thwarted. Her gossip columnist is actually right – her husband is passionately in love with her mother! Julia is dismayed! Their relationship exposé becomes increasingly public, and eventually they break up.
Title: When my best friend met my big fat Greek notebook (in Seattle, actually)
Back to Ryan, who happens to be friends with his brother. The two open a bookshop in the middle of Hollywood. Thrilled with his business and overcome by autumn, he visits New York City, accompanied by his feelings. That same Halloween, Bridget Jones publishes her diary, and it absolutely flies off the shelves. Ryan’s brother makes the money, and leaves him for a Barnes and Noble. Penniless, Ryan bumps into Julia at a karaoke bar.
Immediately, they have coffee and sex. The next morning, Julia hires Ryan to be baptized into the church. She insists that they belong together, and Ryan doesn’t understand. But he finds himself attractive, so they fall in love. Everything is perfectly comfortable… or is it?
One month later, at the wedding, Julia convinces Ryan that his depression is making him unsuitable. She spots Mr. Darcy leaning against the president’s wife, and says, “I’ll have what she’s having”. Ryan attempts to cook her, but his advances don’t go unnoticed. The wedding singer punches him, and demands that he die. Julia pleads with Ryan to qualify, which he cannot abide. He returns to Baltimore, forlorn and shoved.
Back in London, Ryan’s brother meets a girl who is smitten with her life. Together, they spend time together and tell Ryan that he has terminal cancer: love. It’s too late though. Ryan kisses the ring goodbye and works as a lawyer. He sues Julia until she accepts his feelings. She still refuses, but promises to find him a date within one year. He agrees to her plan, despite being neurotic, and waits for romance to jail him.
Coincidentally, his ex-wife’s honeymoon is over, and her parents teach her to file for divorce. Ryan explains that she might love him after all, and they dance together in Los Angeles. As the sunrise sets, and the credits roll, we realize that she was Julia all along.