What up, bitches. Here are some one-line reviews for movies I have and haven’t seen. Let’s be real though, between the trailers and the online reviews, you can get the gist of most movies without wasting money on them.
Funny Pages – The misanthropic, grungy world perfectly mirrors the style of comics that it pays tribute to.
Beast – Black man fights a lion.
Breaking – Black man fights systemic racism.
Emily The Criminal – Aubrey Plaza proving she has range as an actress – which she does, by the way, dayum…
Fall – Got vertigo from the trailer.
Pearl – Apparently it’s an upcoming origin story for a character from X, which is a movie that JUST CAME OUT THIS YEAR… The gall of the director to build on his obscure-ass cinematic universe this quickly should be inspiring, but for some reason it’s infuriating. (that’s two lines but I don’t care, this has been legit bothering me).
Bodies Bodies Bodies – I’m never playing mafia again.
Vengeance – Four viewings later, it keeps holding up – favorite movie of the year so far.
DC League of Super-Pets – Kill me now.
Top Gun: Maverick – Not as good as Vengeance, but still awesome as fuck.