Jinkies, I Want to Kill Myself!

Well, I’m sure you can guess what the title refers to. And I mean it truly and sincerely – what a garbage show. Oh also here are some other reviews for shit that I may or may not have seen.

Velma

Jinkies, I want to kill myself!

Plane

The first entry in the ‘vehicles’ cinematic universe, to be followed by ‘Truck’, ‘Yacht’, and ‘Chopper’.

Missing

Probably looks better on my laptop screen.

A Man Called Otto

Apparently the European version is infinitely better (no surprise there).

Magic Mike’s Last Dance

Why the fuck are we still making these?

The Last Of Us

An intensely engaging, legitimately moving, high-caliber drama that’s worth watching even if you haven’t played the game.

Knock at the Cabin

Read the Wikipedia plot summary, rolled my eyes at the twist, saved money on a ticket.

80 for Brady

The actresses deserve better material, and so does the audience – brought to you by the NFL. Watch the Super Bowl today you fucking lemmings.